DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
