Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
