last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
