There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
COCAINE IS GR8
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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