3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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