There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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