I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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