plz talk dirty to me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize