I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Two words: blizzard sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
