Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
