who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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