Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
