look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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