i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
