life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
