last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
