I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
