I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize