fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
