dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
