hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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