So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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