Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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