So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
