My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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