My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize