better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
