My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
