Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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