so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
