i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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