you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
