I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
