it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
