my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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