God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What drink are we having for lunch?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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