Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
