Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
