Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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