there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
