You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
