Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize