Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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