420 ftw
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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