I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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