Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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