I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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