I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
