Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
