Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize