god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
