fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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