I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
