I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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