don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize