Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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