Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
