Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
