it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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