Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
