hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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