I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
