This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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