forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
