there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
