If that was your dad, he is hot
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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