You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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