She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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