he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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