my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
