i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
