id be glad to
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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