i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
