so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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