k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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