You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
