If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
