the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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