Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
