Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
