Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
