guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
