I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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