well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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