Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
