I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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