She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
