Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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