Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
