Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
