This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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