We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
