I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
