She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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