Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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