we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
