the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
