I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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