i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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